I knew a young woman I’ll call Kiah. Kiah was very different from most young women I knew, in that she was confident in her singlehood. Nothing seemed to ruffle her. She didn’t go chasing after men to date. Didn’t have a string of boyfriends. She didn’t compromise her beliefs. She spoke about the kind of man her husband would be with such clarity, I almost thought she had already met him. He would be a kind, door-opening, respectful gentleman, who without fail treated her like a lady. I discovered, through our conversation one day that she was on her way to buy some flowers.
“What’s the occasion?” I asked.
“I’m treating myself because they make me smile.”
I was taken aback by the thoughts that crowded my mind. I always thought that someone else was supposed to buy flowers for you. And almost as if she read my mind, she added, “I treat myself the way I expect my future husband to treat me. So, I say kind and loving things to myself and take myself out to dinner on my birthday.” She smiled as though she alone held the key to some mysterious knowledge. In a way, she did. It took me years to understand the logic behind her methods.
Kiah had already put a measuring stick in place by which to compare her dates. She was confident in her worth and wasn’t going to play small or tolerate less. By doing so, Kiah showed herself that she was deserving of being valued in this way. If a young man took her out, she had a standard to go by. If he failed, he didn’t get a second chance.
Certainly, Kiah didn’t learn her value in a vacuum. I could have asked her how she learned her worth, but I already knew what she’d say.
By the words people speak over you
If people tell you that you’re beautiful or handsome you may believe that your value is in how you look. When those looks start to fade, your self-worth may fade along with it. Whatever people speak over you, especially at an impressionable age, can become your identity. We must be very careful about listening to those words, especially if they’re not kind and uplifting because people don’t always get it right.
Think about what you’ve heard some teachers speak over children. You’re trouble! You’ll never amount to anything! Everything you touch turns to crap. Why can’t you do anything right? Or, at the other end of the spectrum: You’re so smart! You’re so good at math, sports, makeup, writing, etc. That kid’s got a bright future. Everything you touch turns to gold! He/She’s going to be the next superstar! There’s no one like you!
The words people speak about you only have power over you if you believe them. When spoken often enough, those words can get stuck in your head until you believe them. Once you believe them, your life will align itself with those beliefs. Your life reflects what you believe about yourself.
What do you believe about yourself?
Have you ever looked in the mirror and had someone else’s face looking back at you? No, because a mirror only reflects. It can’t make your skin clear if you have zits, it doesn’t give you curly hair if yours is straight. It can’t even give you a smile if you aren’t wearing one.
And likewise, our lives are not going to give us anything we don’t bring into it by some action. If you want to see a smile in the mirror, you have to make the effort to smile. Your life is a reflection what you believe about yourself. In order to change those outcomes, you must believe something else. To succeed, you have to believe what successful people believe. To become happy, you have to believe what happy people believe. To change your life, you have to believe what life-changers believe.
It makes sense then, that if believing a set of words can affect our feelings, thoughts and our lives, that we’d want to believe the best set of words we can get our hands on, right? That’s where you can take charge of what’s being said over you.
We may not be able to prevent what other people say to us, but we don’t have to agree with them. Additionally, you have the power to say good things to yourself every day. One acquaintance of mine has written out her affirmations with Biblical references on slips of paper that she pulls out whenever she feels doubt creeping around. She recites them aloud until she feels agreement with those words.
What does this mean for you?
Through affirmations, you can begin changing your own life. The power of words can affect your health, energy level, the level of love you have for friends, family, and coworkers. It can even affect traffic patterns around you.
I used to complain that I didn’t like to go to movie theaters because tall people always sat in front of me. It happened for several years without fail. But when I changed what I said, “I always get the best seat in the house!” it never happened again. Coincidence?
A person I knew says fairly often that the drivers in his city are the worst drivers anywhere. When I embark on a trip, I say aloud, “(City) drivers are careful, kind, and courteous.” Guess which one of us has the more pleasant drive?
What do you want happening in your life? Write down the silly, the mundane and the outrageous and then tell us how your affirmations are affecting your life!
For more inspiration, check out these links:
Affirmations to overcome fear?
Affirmations for a successful life?
Hi, I always think there is something for me in your posts. I know is not so but your posts help me see where I am in my life. Thank you, Juli.