Feeding Your Dreams

It in August almost two years ago when I mentioned here that I wanted to go to the beach. Within a few days, a girlfriend invited me to go with her and her kids. My mind ran wild with joy as I packed a suitcase. She called back later apologetic, and withdrew the invitation, promising we’d have a girl’s trip in the new year.

I ached to get to the beach. Any beach. Somehow, some way. My husband picked up director gigs for plays, and became severely ill. I was in classes and running a business. Secretly, I imagined a quick flight alone to Florida–even the Carolinas–just a day trip. I worried about him and couldn’t go that far. Taking him complicated the whole trip. So it fell off my calendar entirely.

The ache continued to grow.

I wasn’t much for laying on the beach. But walking it? You bet. Looking for shells? My goodness, why go if you can’t pick up a few sea bones. They’re the best souvenirs.

In December, my husband was admitted to ICU. Four days later, right before Hanukkah, my he passed away peacefully. I knew I needed to sit with this and really reflect. But when?

Before I could gather my wherewithal, the Pandemic hit. For the next five months, I worked with clients on Zoom and mostly in isolation like the rest of the planet. Grateful for the work, I threw myself into those projects six days a week. I had set aside one day a week to grieve: Shabbat.

By the time I completed one client’s book, four and a half months had passed. I clicked “send” to deliver the manuscript which gave me a two-week window while they read.

Then, a little voice said, “Now you can go to the beach.”

What?

I felt the need to remind the voice that we were in the middle of a pandemic and every place was shut down. “Do you trust me?” Trust. Here we go again. I don’t want to go alone. So who can go with me at the drop of a hat? People are afraid to travel to the grocery let alone cross state lines.

But the voice heard my thoughts.

“Text your sister.”

Planning with someone as complex and busy as my sister seemed counter- intuitive. But I did it anyway. And when much of the day went by without a reply, I began thinking that I had imagined the whole thing. That it was a reckless idea. Insane. I even asked YeHoVaH to take the desire away. That if traveling to the beach wasn’t His idea, then I didn’t want to feel the burning need to go.

The next morning, my sister said her husband was looking for beach houses in the Carolinas, and a hotel on the way. And when did I want to leave?

What does this mean for you?

Maybe you don’t remember that I said I wanted to go to the beach. Check the link below to see when I posted that desire. The point is, that just because we have a dream, doesn’t mean it will come to pass as quickly as we’d like. During the wait, I entertained going to beaches in Israel, Australia and South Africa. I mean, a beach dream is limitless. Even though none of those worked out (yet) it didn’t diminish my desire to go to a beach. I had to wait on timing.

In the middle of launching a business is not the time. Or when your spouse is actively in a health crises. Or at the rise of a Pandemic. But when the timing is right, it all lines up. Even if you call the house sitter at the last minute.

The time away was deeply refreshing–just what I needed and exactly where I was supposed to be with exactly the right person for that moment. When I returned, loaded with shells, sand still clinging to my flip-flops, I felt renewed. Reinvigorated. Mission accomplished!

Then, I realized I needed a new dream!

You know…. I’ve always wanted to go to California…

_{To see the post from two years ago click here.}